These funny quotes about life show how humor sneaks into awkward moments, little mishaps, and the everyday chaos we all share.
They’re here to remind you not to take things too seriously and to find laughter in the ups and downs. After all, humor might just be the best survival strategy.
FUNNY LIFE QUOTES
“• “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Mallory Hopkins
• “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin
• “Life is like a camera. Focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot.”
• “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” — Ernestine Ulmer
• “Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.” — Voltaire
• “Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.”
• “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
• “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” — Groucho Marx
• “Life’s too mysterious to take too serious.”
• “Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” — Carl Sandburg
• “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke
• “If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
• “Life is like a cup of tea. It’s all in how you make it.”
• “Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.”
• “Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re hungry.” — parody of Forrest Gump
• “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” — Charlie Chaplin
• “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans… and tripping over your own shoelaces.” — John Lennon (adapted)
• “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
• “Life is like Wi-Fi: you never realize how important it is until it’s gone.”
• “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.”
• “Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m the one screaming at the top of my lungs.”
• “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.”
• “Life is like a sandwich. No matter which way you flip it, the bread comes first.”
• “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” — Steven Wright
• “Life is short. Buy the shoes.”
• “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” — Oscar Wilde (inspired)
• “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz
• “I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy saving mode.”
• “Life is like a game of chess. I don’t know how to play chess.”
• “Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.”
• “Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll do it for you.”
• “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
• “Life is like math: if it goes too easy, something’s wrong.”
• “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
• “Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulders.” — Marion Howard
• “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing (Friends)
• “Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you… usually.”
• “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
• “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” — Oscar Wilde
• “A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”
• “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” — Jackie Mason
• “Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. Preferably not on avocado toast.” — Lillian Dickson (adapted)
• “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” — Maryon Pearson
• “Life is like a software update. Whenever you finally figure it out, it changes again.”
• “Some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.” — Roger Andersen
• “Life is like a notebook. It’s full of blank pages just waiting to be doodled on.”
• “My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people know I’m alive.”
• “Life is what happens when you’re busy looking at your phone.”
• “Always remember you’re unique… just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead (attributed humorously)
• “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
• “Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.” — Lou Erickson
• “I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”
• “Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.” — Socrates (humorously misattributed)
• “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper
• “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
• “Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers.”
• “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” — Earl Wilson
• “Life is like a casserole. Only those who bring something to the table get to eat.”
• “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” — Rodney Dangerfield
• “Life’s too short for fake butter, cheese, or people.”
• “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?” — George Burns
• “Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” — Lewis Grizzard
• “Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.” — Winston Churchill
• “Life is like underwear. Change is good.”
• “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
• “Life is full of surprises, but the biggest one is finding out that adulthood is just Googling how to do stuff.”
• “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.” — George Burns
• “Life is like riding a bicycle. Except the bicycle is on fire, and you’re on fire, and everything is on fire.”
• “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” — Steven Wright
• “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” — Dorothy Parker
• “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” — Al McGuire
• “Life is a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.”
• “I’m at a point in my life where my mind says I’m in my 20s, my humor says I’m in my teens, while my body keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.”
• “Life is like a debit card. You don’t know how much you’ve got until you stop swiping.”
They’re here to remind you not to take things too seriously and to find laughter in the ups and downs. After all, humor might just be the best survival strategy.
